The Switch
by Tigraine Bashere
Summary: Draco and Hermione get into an argument and hex each other. The next morning they wake up to find that they've switched bodies!
1. An Unpleasant Discovery

Disclaimer: ....JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, I'm not even sure if I stole this from some.  
  
Chapter One: The Discovery  
  
Draco's POV:  
  
Draco Malfoy woke up to the annoying giggles of Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil.  
  
"Bloody Hell!" he shouted, sitting bolt upright. He noticed his sheets were red and gold rather than green and silver.  
  
"Hermione what are you screaming about?" whined Parvati, pulling open the curtains surrounding the bed.  
  
"Hermione?" he asked, his voice questioning. Parvati looked at him oddly.  
  
"What's wrong with you? Did Malfoy's hex cause you to lose your memory or something?"  
  
Draco's eyes widened in horror.  
  
"Where's the bathroom?" he asked, alarmed.  
  
"Er...same place as its always been, right over there." Parvati pointed to the left side of the room, looking extremely perplexed.  
  
Draco nodded and ran into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror. It was as he had feared Staring back at him was the image of Hermione Granger.  
  
Hermione's POV:  
  
Hermione rolled over lazily, she didn't have to be up for another half hour. However her rest was disturbed when she noticed something was missing. She opened her eyes, feeling her chest. Panicking, she lifted up her shirt.  
  
"Where did they go!" she said allowed, shocked. She glanced around her. The bed was covered with silver and green sheets, with a green curtain around it to match.  
  
"Where'd what go Malfoy?" a sleepy voice asked. It must have been Crabbe or Goyle!  
  
"Oh shit!" She would have thought an evil Slytherin like Malfoy would have some prowess when it came to hexes! How could he have messed up this bad?  
  
"Huh?" Crabbe or Goyle asked.  
  
"Er...I lost my Potions assignment. I had two rolls of parchment on my bed when I fell asleep, you see," Hermione said, trying to think quickly.  
  
She heard laughter on either side of her.  
  
"Since when do you care about homework?" asked the voice on the left.  
  
"Blow it off, its not like Snape will care. When's the last time you actually turned in one of his essays?"  
  
Hermione was appalled by this. Malfoy always beat her on Potions exams and he didn't even bother to do the work? She didn't really dwell on this. She had bigger problems.  
  
Draco's POV  
  
"Hermione, what are you doing?" Parvati and Lavender asked in unison upon entering the bathroom.  
  
"Er...adjusting....?"  
  
"You look like you're fondling yourself," stated Lavender, rather bluntly. Draco realized this was definately not a good situation. He couldn't help it! He was a guy, he had urges! Or at least he had been a guy...  
  
"I was just fixing my bra!" He countered defensively. This was so weird. He felt like some sort of drag queen.  
  
"Oh I know how you feel! Over the summer it was like my boobs grew overnight, I was bursting out of my bra! It was so uncomfortable!" Parvati said sympathetically. This is what girls talk about?  
  
Hermione's POV  
  
Hermione realized she had to relieve herself extremely badly.  
  
"Oh God," she said. She knew what she was going to have to do. It was the only way she could...er...figure things out. She had to make a mad dash for Myrtle's bathroom and hope the ghost was off spying on the male Prefects and she so liked to do. It was the only place where she could be sure no one would interrupt her. Well, no one except Myrtle anyway.  
  
Hermione quickly found Draco's school uniform and changed out of his pajamas.  
  
"So its boxers then," she mumbled to herself. It was a hotly debated topic among the Gryffindor girls (she always abstained from those discussions of course).  
  
Draco's POV  
  
It was getting kind of late, so Draco opened Hermione's trunk and searched for her school robes.  
  
"Granger has black panties?" he whispered, impressed. He didn't realize Granger would have any sexy underwear. She didn't seem the type.  
  
He went into the bathroom again, uniform in hand. The other girls had already gone down to breakfast. It felt so weird to think of himself as a girl.  
  
He had chosen a black bra and black panties, deciding if he was going to be Granger he would at least make her sexy. Being a self proclaimed Sex God he couldn't very well go around looking as plain as Granger usually did. He chose what were obviously her fourth year robes, making them a lot tighter than anything Granger would have worn.  
  
Draco was afraid to even attempt fixing Granger's hopeless tangle of hair. He used her wand to lessen the frizz and put her hair up in a sort of messy looking pony tale. He didn't know what to do about makeup. While being very good at hair dressing spells (something he would never admit to anyone) he'd never actually tried anything with makeup. Even without makeup, Draco was very proud of his handywork.  
  
"I'd shag her," he said proudly, before realizing how disturbing that sounded, considering he basically was Hermione.  
  
Hermione's POV  
  
Hermione felt extremely awkward. She had had her hands on Malfoy's crotch! Plus she had somehow managed to miss the toilet bowl, squirting Moaning Myrtle in the mouth with Malfoy's piss. At which point Myrtle started wailing.  
  
"Poor Myrtle. People were always aiming nasty things at me at me in life. And now..." She floated through the stalls, sobbing so hard Hermione couldn't even understand what she was saying.  
  
"Poor Myrtle? What about poor Hermione?" Hermione demanded. The ghost ignored her, lost in her own misery. Annoyed, Hermione went over to the sink. She couldn't put enough soap on her hands....well, Malfoy's hands. It had been too weird. Of course...he was rather...no, she wouldn't let herself think those thoughts!  
  
Draco's POV  
  
Draco made his way to the Slytherin table out of habit.  
  
"Granger what are you doing here?" sneered Pansy Parkinson upon seeing him. "Tell the mudblood to go away, won't you Draco?" she simpered, putting her arms around a very uncomfortable looking Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Er....right, mudblood. You know Pansy, I think we should stop using such derogatory terms," said the person in his body. Draco rolled Hermione's eyes.  
  
It was Granger alright. He would have thought she'd have more tact. Oh well, Granger was a Gryffindor, of course she would use this "opportunity" to ruin his reputation.  
  
"You're joking, right?" he heard a disgusted Pansy say as he stalked off to the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Hey Hermione, you're looking rather under the weather. I guess Malfoy's hex was worse than we thought," Harry said in greeting.  
  
"You have no idea," replied Draco.  
  
Hermione's POV  
  
Hermione thought she might kill someone. She had woken up in the wrong body, and then there was that whole incident in the bathroom. Now Pansy was hanging all over her, thinking she was Draco.  
  
"Are you ill Draco? You aren't at all like yourself. I think we should go talk to Madame Pomfrey, you and Granger hexed each other pretty bad yesterday. I don't know what that freak thought she was doing over here. Why didn't you tell her off?" she wanted to know.  
  
Hermione almost pitied Malfoy for having to deal with Pansy all the time.  
  
No, she thought. He deserves it. That sparked a new idea in her head. This hex was his fault, and she knew the perfect revenge.  
  
Draco's POV  
  
Draco figured that as long as he was stuck in Granger's body, he'd do some damage.  
  
A/N The chapter now indicates POV changes. I had everytime the POV changed, but it didn't show up when I uploaded the document, sorry for the confusion before. 


	2. Discussions

Chapter 2: Discussions  
  
Hermione's POV:  
  
Hermione would have liked to be the bigger person, and not ruin Malfoy's reputation, but he had really gone too far. He'd dressed her like a slut!  
  
"I can't believe Ron and Harry! Those two morons didn't bloody notice it wasn't me!" she muttered sulkily, spraying poor Myrtle with Malfoy's piss for the second time that day. "I hate this bloody thing!" This time she was screaming. Hermione didn't understand how guys were able to handle such an impractical instrument, although....no. She would never let herself admit (even in her mind) that she rather enjoyed being able to stare freely at Malfoy (as long as there was a mirror nearby).  
  
"Handle an instrument? That sounded wrong even in my head. Myrtle, where are you, I'm sick of bloody talking to myself!"  
  
The ghost floated over, sniffling constantly.  
  
"You sniffle expect poor sniff Myrtle to keep you company when sniff sniffle you have no business even sniffle being in here! What's a boy sniff even doing here? Haven't you sob got anything sob sob better to do than bother poor, pathetic, defenseless little Myrtle!" She began to moan, once more proving "Moaning Myrtle" a very fitting name.  
  
"Myrtle don't be so thick!"  
  
"Besides, how can you sniffle sob mock me when you can't even use your dick?" Myrtle perked up once she'd gotten a good insult out there. Her sobs started to turn into giggles. Needless to say, Hermione was furious.  
  
"Myrtle its me! Hermione!" This just added more fuel to the fire. Myrtle fell through the sink laughing. After about five minutes she came back to taunt Hermione some more.  
  
"Ooh, really? You're supposed to be the clever one! This is worse than the time you turned yourself into a cat! At least then you stayed the same gender!" Myrtle flew off cackling. "Wait till I tell Peeves!"  
  
"MYRTLE COME BACK HERE, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT TELL PEEVES!" Hermione, in a burst of inspiration threatened to tell Harry about Myrtle's obsessive crush on him if she dared breathe one word to anyone.  
  
"He already knows," Myrtle said, pouting.  
  
"Ah, but he doesn't know about the erotica you've been writing about the two of you." Hermione grinned triumphantly, holding up a damp notebook with "Myrtle's Diary, Keep Out!" scrawled on it.  
  
"I'll bet you got off on it. Fine, I won't tell. Its perfectly miserable having to keep secrets!"  
  
"That's right up your alley, isn't it? Well I've got to get to the library." If Malfoy was going to give Hermione a bad girl image, then she was going to make him the biggest nerd Hogwarts had ever seen.  
  
Draco's POV:  
  
Draco thought he'd been lucky when he found Granger's class list, of course he hadn't counted on Arithmancy being the most boring class in history. Rather than pay attention, he started making a list of how to ruin Granger's life (apart from completely sabotaging her good girl reputation).  
  
1) Constantly bring up Weasley's economic status  
  
Draco was proud of that one. It could potentially ruin Granger's friendship with both Weasley and his sister, as well as making the annoying red heads feel extremely self conscious.  
  
He paused from making his list for a second, glancing at Granger's reflection in a compact he had taken from her makeup bag (he had been shocked to find that Granger actually owned beauty products). For the second time that day, Draco found himself thinking her rather sexy.  
  
"Hmm, you know..." he said to himself, then added a second thing to his list.  
  
2) Go around saying "Malfoy is sexy"  
  
That one would get the Gryffindors riled up. He suspected that he was number two on their hate list, right under Snape. Draco shuddered, making a mental note never to think of himself "under" Snape ever again.  
  
"Hermione, are you okay?" asked Ginny Weasley. What was she doing in the class? Wasn't it a sixth year course?  
  
"Er...yeah, why? Of course I'm okay!"  
  
"You aren't paying attention and this is your favourite class, plus I caught you talking to yourself, and you shuddered just a second ago."  
  
"Oh, PMS."  
  
"Oh, of course. It can make anyone act weird. You'd think we'd have come up with a magical cure for it by now!" Ginny whispered, earning a glare from the Professor. "Sorry Professor," said Ginny sheepishly, and the class went on. Draco breathed a sigh of relief. Another close call.  
  
After Aritmancy Granger had Transfiguration. On the way there Draco stopped in the library to see if he could spot his body.  
  
"Have you seen Draco Malfoy?" He asked a nerdy looking blonde Slytherin, who was wearing robes that were two short for him and thick horn rimmed reading glasses. Draco did a double take when he realized it was him, or Granger rather.  
  
"You're looking at him." said Granger. Draco thought his voice was quite sexy, but was too outraged to dwell much on it.  
  
"What the Hell do you think you are doing Granger? You're turning me into....you!"  
  
"Well, that would make sense, considering I am in your rather ugly body."  
  
"I'm sure you've enjoyed it."  
  
Hermione's POV:  
  
"Not as much as you've enjoyed your new breasts," Hermione replied, noting the too tight shirt.  
  
"Look Granger, these clothes are doing nothing if not benefiting you. Hell, maybe now someone will actually notice you're a girl. I certainly didn't before. On the other hand, I don't see how your hanging around the library, making me look like a complete loser, is helping either of us."  
  
Hermione went silent for awhile. Did he really think she was only there to make him look bad? That was half the reason, but she wouldn't sink as low as to make it her life purpose. Knowing Malfoy he'd probably made an organized list of how to destroy her social career.  
  
"Malfoy, please tell me that's a joke," she said finally.  
  
"Oh. Right. You're trying to figure out how to un-do this, aren't you?"  
  
"No, I'm reading up on easy ways to decorate a dungeon," she snapped.  
  
"Clever Granger. You'd better hurry up or you're going to get more than you bargained for."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You're little body switching hex," he said slowly, as if she were a small child who needed everything explained to her.  
  
"First of all, the switch was not my fault. I am not sure how it happened. Tell me what hex you tried to put on me. That may give me something to work with. Secondly, what exactly are you planning Malfoy?"  
  
"Oh, well, you know, there are lots of pretty girls in Gryffindor...." he pretended to be more interested in his nails....well Hermione guessed they were technically her nails...he began biting them.  
  
"Get your dirty mouth off of my nails!"  
  
Malfoy raised an eyebrow, something Hermione herself had never managed.  
  
"Technically Granger, it is your mouth. Actually, your lips are surprisingly warm for someone so frigid."  
  
"And you have a surprisingly small dick for someone --"  
  
"Ah, so you've met Eddie?"  
  
"You named your wang! Oh, that's low Malfoy. Even for you."  
  
"Like you haven't named your tits."  
  
"I haven't!"  
  
"Granger, you're making me blush. Literally." Malfoy handed Hermione a compact. She gazed into the mirror and saw that the face staring back at her, Malfoy's, had turned beet red.  
  
"Fine....it was just....Ginny dared me to!" Malfoy raised Hermione's eyebrow again. "I am going to casturate you if you do that one more time. I mean it. I've got your balls right here," she said, glancing down and smirking slightly.  
  
"Just figure out how to undo this," Draco answered, fed up. Without another word he left, sashaying Hermione's hips as he exited.  
  
"God he makes me look like a tart!"  
  
Draco's POV:  
  
Granger could be quite scathing when she wanted to. He liked that in a woman. It was rare that any female questioned him, even his mother. Not that she hadn't pissed him off. As he sat down in her desk for Charms, Draco took out his notebook and added three more things to his list.  
  
3) Always have a nasty comment about Weasley's family/Dumbledore/Hagrid  
  
4) Agree with Snape whenever he corrects Potter/Potter's stupid friends  
  
5) Fuck up her friendship with Potter and Weasley  
  
If he didn't at least breakup her friendship with Potter and Weasley this whole thing would be a waste.  
  
"Malfoy!" He turned out of habit, forgetting for a second that he was supposed to be Granger. Luckily, the one who had called him actually was Granger, though very out of breath.  
  
"What now Granger?"  
  
"Um...I have something very important to ask you."  
  
"I haven't got all day, make it quick."  
  
"Its kind of embarassing."  
  
"Well?" he sounded impatient.  
  
..................  
  
"Granger!"  
  
"Sorry! Its just.....well you've had to pee twice, and both times I've missed the toilet bowl....I even tried to aim, but..."  
  
Draco began to chuckle.  
  
"I knew you couldn't keep your hands off me."  
  
A/N: More comedy in the next chapter, this one was still exposition  
Thank you for all your encouraging reviews!! Much Love! -Tigraine 


	3. Bloody Hell!

A/N: One reviewer suggested something happen to Draco...so I've put it in.  
  
Draco's POV (Sort of ends as Myrtles POV):  
  
As Draco exited the library he felt something warm between his legs. Warm, and wet. Had he somehow managed to pee her pants while he'd been sitting in her library?  
  
"Great, how come no one told me Granger needs diapers!" he said, running for the bathroom. He didn't know where to go. He couldn't go in the girls bathroom....where could he go?  
  
Then it hit him. Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Nasty place, but this was nasty business.  
  
"Oh its Malfoy come to visit me now," sang Myrtle, as he entered. She was in a splendid mood after having frightened a poor First Year Hufflepuff.  
  
"Can it Myrtle!" said Draco, rushing to the toilet and locking the door behind him. Myrtle was mildly curious, but didn't intend to pester him about why he had so urgently needed to use the toilet.  
  
"Oh, by the way, the toilet in that stall is broken," Myrtle informed him, surpressing the wild giggles that threatened to erupt from her mouth.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"  
  
"No need to yell at me. I'm-I'm sorry. No one likes me, I just thought I'd tease you a bit..."  
  
"Not that! Why are....why.....HER PANTIES ARE SOAKED IN BLOOD!"  
  
Myrtle began to laugh freely. She couldn't help it. This was better than Hermione not being able to er.... aim properly.  
  
"I'm sorry Malfoy. Hermione has some sort of weird vaginal disease. I'm afraid that you are dying!" laughed Myrtle. The only thing that gave her joy was the misery of others.  
  
Hermione's POV:  
  
Hermione loved Malfoy's schedule. He had two free periods. Lucky bastard. Of course, it was her own fault for taking so many classes, but still.  
  
Since she had another fifteen minutes before his next class, she decided to stop by her new sanctuary, Myrtle's bathroom. She thought she may have left a copy of Hogwarts: A History, in there. Hermione had taken the liberty of borrowing Malfoy's copy from his book collection, surprising as it was that he'd even held that book.  
  
Upon entering, she was met by an odd sight. Malfoy being comforted by Myrtle. She coughed to make her presence known.  
  
"You could have warned me about....you know!"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"THE BLOOD!! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT I'M GOING TO DIE A GIRL!"  
  
Hermione's eyes widened. How could she have forgotten to warn him? Not that he didn't deserve it, but he was probably ruining her underwear. She hoped he hadn't worn the black ones. They were very expensive.  
  
"Which panties did you wear?" she demanded.  
  
"MAKE IT STOP!"  
  
"Urgh. Do you have my bag?" Malfoy shook his head. "Great. Well I can't very well wander into the Gryffindor Girl's Dorm to get a pad --I don't think you could handle a tampon-- when I am a boy, can I?"  
  
"Granger you'd better get me out of this. I can't leave here with your stupid blood trailing down my bloody leg!"  
  
"Heh...bloody leg....blood."  
  
"Can it Myrtle!" Malfoy snapped.  
  
"Well, I think you're out of luck Malfoy. Oh, you're going to be late for Transfiguration." Hermione turned to go, but then she remembered something. "Which panties are you wearing?"  
  
"Is that a come on?" Even in this distressed state he could somehow manage to be the biggest arse Hogwarts had ever seen!  
  
"I want to know which pair of underwear you ruined with your ignorance of the female body."  
  
"That was low Granger."  
  
"Well?" Oh no, was he stalling?  
  
"They're black," Malfoy admitted.  
  
"I'm sorry," Hermione laughed. "For a second I thought you said they were black."  
  
"They are."  
  
"WHAT?" How could he...those were only for when she went out with Ron! That is, if he ever had the courage to ask her.  
  
"I really don't think you should be getting your panties in a twist -- or is it my boxers?-- when you were the one who neglected to tell me that you have a deadly illness!"  
  
"Malfoy what are you talking about? Look, all I can say is that is very expensive underwear and you had better pay for it."  
  
"But.."  
  
"Besides, it is not deadly."  
  
"Then why am I doubled over in pain?"  
  
"Don't wizards have health class? Honestly, they are called cramps!" She would take as much enjoyment from his pain as she could. Those panties had cost her a month's allowance!  
  
"Make it stop!" he wailed. She could get used to this. Malfoy, begging like a puppy wanting table scraps.  
  
"I'm afraid Malfoy, you will just have to pay a visit to Madam Pomfrey," said Hermione, as she turned to leave the bathroom. "Oh, and Malfoy?" she asked as she reached the door.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm serious. You had better pay me back."  
  
Malfoy's POV:  
  
Granger had been no help. In fact, she made things worse. Draco knew he was late to whatever fucking class the wench had next, and right now, he didn't give a flying fuck about it.  
  
As he made his way to the hospital wing, underwear stained in blood, cramps plaguing him with a pain he had never known, he vowed he would get Granger back. If only he knew what had caused this switch! Draco was well aware of the fact that he should have been more helpful to Granger in this regard, but he had been too busy with this whole period business to think logically.  
  
"Hermione, you look awful!" exclaimed Madame Pomfrey when Draco stumbled into the Hospital Wing.  
  
"Cramps....period....came....early," he fibbed. Well, the cramps part was true, he had no idea when Granger was due to get her cycle, and frankly he didn't want to. Draco fully intended to be out of her stupid body before he had to experience this again. At least now he had a new respect for woman kind. Not Granger though. Just women in general. Besides, wasn't she, in her current state, technically a man?  
  
That thought made Draco feel better until he realized that if he went by that logic it would mean he was a woman. And while he was guilty of using various hair products and being very fashion conscious, Draco had always considered himself more masculine than not.  
  
"Here Hermione, drink this potion and it should relieve some of the pain. I'll be right back with some clean underwear and a pad. Oh, and you should do a cleaning spell on your panties, I'd do it but I've got my hands full. Anyway, here's a plastic bag to put your underwear in."  
  
Draco felt like a baby who needed his diaper changed. He decided that after this episode he had every excuse to blow off the rest of her classes, so he spent the rest of the day (at least the time before dinner) sulking about his current condition.  
  
Unable to just sit there idly in the Girl's Dormitory, Draco went into Hermione's trunk and started writing a letter to his father. If anyone would know what caused this, it would be Lucious Malfoy. Having been a Death Eater, he was an expert on hexes. 


End file.
